"Create in me
a clean heart,
O God,
and renew
a right spirit
within me."

Psalm 51:10






We have entered into our Lenten Season. Yesterday I found myself sitting in church listening half-hearted to Father speak. I was there to receive my ashes and begin my own 40 day journey. The past few winter weeks seem to have tucked in so many days of sadness, and my heart just wasn't feeling uplifted, rather a part of me felt my journey had begun a long time ago!

The entire Mass I held a printed out worship booklet for use during Lent. I kept finding myself reading the front over and over...it was Psalm 51:10. The words "clean heart" and "renew spirit" just kept jumping at me. Lately I have found my inner soul to be dampened by so much sadness. A dear friend has recently found out she is on the front line of battle against Cancer...another friend recently lost her sister because she felt her life to be not worth any journey. I literally know of five beloved pets, the type we call "family" including one of my own, to die. So much news of heartache I read and see in the media each day just kept adding to my heavy weight. And cliche' it might be, but even the recent weather has been more of glum than of sunshine.

My creative side has been zapped with my lack of spirit. I have been trying to pull out color, to find that special inner peace in my designs. Last week I began mixing oranges and a bit of fuchsia, the result was a rather muted tangerine. I think it would be correct to say I was not feeling it!

I awoke this morning around 4:00 a.m. My brain kept quietly saying Psalm 51:10. I silently reviewed the past few weeks of sadness...the suffocaters of my spirit. I thought about how hard returning to the Church is for me since the loss of my Mother...how seeing my friend receive her first treatment of chemo this week refreshed those hidden dark feelings, how incredibly angry I get with myself when I internally think my life is not so great, then see a plea to reach out and help someone who would love to live in my shoes. Insomnia overcame me and I just kept searching within to figure out my plan to shake things off, to 'renew my spirit', to 'clean my heart'.

As the early morning sun began to peek through my blinds, a sight we have not seen much of this winter, I saw my color. The dim 'orange' danced around the corner of my blind as it tried to say hello. Like my own creation, (or concoction!) I could see flickers of pinks, yellows and vivid orange. I knew I had my inspiration...this color was meant for the heart...to be worn at the heart. I selected my softest silk and went for the camisole design. Regardless of the day, it will warm the spirit...you may decide to keep it virtually hidden with a mere peek of color...or go bold and say "Good Morning" to all, either way, in any light, you will catch a glimpse of the morning sunrise.

The purpose of Lent is to be a season of fasting, self-denial, Christian growth, penitence, conversion, and simplicity. Sometimes we must dig deeper though, as Father said yesterday, it is not always the giving up of that candy bar...but the strengthening of the spirit...the changing of the soul. I hope this Lenten Season gives all a 'clean heart' and a 'renewed spirit'.